Oh, Sweet Jesus

I think I just got cured of my Luke & Owen Wilson daydreams. They're like the sweetest penicillin.

Oooh, Fun Quiz for Fun

Match the presidential candidate with the following statements about Ted Kennedy's apparent stroke! Scroll down to see the answer!

A) "I was very sorry to hear that Senator Kennedy has taken ill, and like millions of Americans, [my spouse] and I anxiously await word of his condition. Senator Kennedy's role in the U.S. Senate cannot be overstated. He is a legendary lawmaker, and I have the highest respect for him. When we have worked together, he has been a skillful, fair and generous partner. I consider it a great privilege to call him my friend. [My spouse] and I are praying for our friend, his wife, Vicki, and the Kennedy family."

B) "I know a lot of you are interested in the situation with Senator Kennedy. I have been in contact with the family. Obviously they are in our thoughts and prayers – they I am sure will be releasing some sort of statement when they have a better assessment of what the situation is. You know, as I have said many times before, Ted Kennedy is a giant in American political history – he has done more for the health care of others than just about anybody in history and so we are going to be rooting for him and I insist on being optimistic about how it's going to turn out."

C) "My thoughts and prayers are with Ted Kennedy and his family today. We all wish him well and a quick recovery."

Scroll down for the answers!











A) John McCain; B) Barack Obama; and C) Hillary Clinton. That's right. Hillary Clinton either doesn't want anybody to think she has something nice to say about a fringe liberal, or she is still having trouble approximating human emotion. McCain's was particularly nice, as you can see. He would have done a lot better for himself -- a kind of Clinton centrist triangulation -- if he hadn't backed off his once principled stands. Too bad. There is a real core of decency in there, underneath all the pandering rightist crap.

Yay, HER!

This is my aunt. "Lion" is right. And hell yeah it's news when my aunt attends a fundraiser or endorses someone. Because she is fucking awesome. I saw her described in the paper once as someone who "doesn't suffer fools." This was their polite way of saying she can be a wee bit acerbic.
This time, she's talking about you, Hillz.

New Issues of CityBeat

Been a while, chilepeppers, and do please forgive me. Please to read my most recent cover story here. Added bonus? The Fonz!
Psst: Wanna see the whole issues? Go here, here and here!

Because I Am Somewhat Nifty

I just wrapped my first issue as (acting) editor of LA CityBeat. By all means, please stop by lacitybeat.com, and leave some profane comments.
I know y'all don't think I'm human or have feelings--I don't think so myself most of the time--but to get all stupid and sincere on you for a moment, I am so proud of this issue. I've wanted my own shop for a very long time, and due to a fluke--I started a week and a half ago as arts editor when my friend Steve Lowery started as editor ... four days before he realized he'd much rather be writing movies and other cool stuff--I've finally got it. I am just thrilled to bitses, and I hope you like it. Truly.
Love love love
Beccalou

Last Night

Last night I dreamed that Hillary Clinton fingerfucked me.
(She was actually Emma Thompson as Hillary Clinton in Primary Colors. Except she was also a hotel housekeeper instead of First Lady or a United States senator.)
She did not do this because she was a lesbian. Actually, she was sort of sad and date-raped about the whole thing, being, as she was, Emma Thompson as Hillary Clinton as a hotel housekeeper who was forced to succumb to my wicked desires. I felt just awful. Also, she had weird knuckles.
So what does it all meeeeean? I don't know, but bitch better iron my shirt.

Things You Can Tell Just By Looking at Me

It's Funner When You're High

Saw George Clinton and P-Funk last night at Vault 350. The crowd was a beautiful rainbow of chocolate, from tall men who were the lightest shade of Obama au lait to tall men who were panther-black. Also, some white dudes, who ranged from courteous frat bros to courteous shlumps.
I could smell the weed but everywhere, but couldn't find it. Eventually I decided to just let it find me.

Guess what? It did!

It got a lot dancier after that (also: smilier with strangers). The music was still the same for many, many minutes at a time, and that was fine. Then the guitarry guy from System of a Down came up to jam, and I was mortified because they are stupid and screechy and they suck (especially that embarrassing singer). But he acquitted himself well. I couldn't tell how his actual musical output was, because I couldn't figure out what was coming from him and what was coming from one of the other 47 people onstage, but he was so happy to be there! And he was dancing and jamming and shredding (maybe) and he was representing very well for the Armenians and other assorted whitenesses.

George Clinton looks like he's 80, by the way, but the diaper guy is still holding strong.