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* Stop texting your girlfriend.

* Don’t have anything to do? ASK.

* If you are washing silverware, make sure all the food is actually off the silverware.

* HOT SOAPY WATER. SO HOT IT HURTS YOUR HANDS. STOP WITH THE NON-HOT, NON-SOAPY WATER ALREADY.

* A kitchen isn’t clean until it’s swept.

* Have a smile on your face when someone asks you to do something.

* I mean it, put the phone down.

*Are you zoning out? Stop zoning out.

* Just because everybody else is teasing someone does not mean you get to join in. You are the new guy. You haven’t attained teasing status.

* Don’t ask if you can go home until someone tells you to go home.

* If your girlfriend can’t deal with the fact that you are not available for texting, time for a new girlfriend. 

I bet there’s some real pretty ones at Osaka.

Got advice for my buttercup of a son? Leave them in the comments!

 

Categories: Uncategorized

12 Responses so far.

  1. Jon Fleischman says:

    Do more listening than talking. Don’t assume that the customers are at all like your mom.

    Oh, and don’t wear her old eye patch unless it’s Dress Up Like A Pirate Day at the office, and you see someone else wearing an eye patch first.

  2. bert moeller says:

    ignore everything that your mom ever told you and work.

  3. Greg says:

    Get there early to be sure you are on time. If you have finished your own work help with someone elses. If you see something that needs doing do it. There will always be something that needs cleaning. If you find you do not like the work remember they are paying you and you are there by choice. Do your best until you are ready to move on or up.

  4. Casey Loew says:

    Always, and I mean always, write the nasty response emails in Word. That way you never accidentally send them.

  5. BRANDI says:

    STAY OFFLINE! NEW EMPLOYERS ARE NOT INTO NEWBIES PLAYING ONLINE! UNLESS YOUR NEW JOB IS SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!

  6. christopher says:

    Be an overachiever. Clean that kitchen better than it has ever been cleaned–they’ll notice. If you can, work your way up to food server; you will make great tips with those rugged good looks. Eat a huge meal before going in to work so you don’t daydream about food. Befriend the cooks; you may learn some awesome recipes. Integrity is everything. Don’t let the boss catch you eating on the job–they don’t like that!–Yet if you must, go into the walk-in fridge to stuff your face, but make sure you are done chewing before you come out.

  7. Timmy says:

    So, you’re stuck there for 8 hours (or 4 or 6?) you might as well work your ass off and make a good impression. You’re stuck there anyway.

    I’m an employer of a mostly young staff and I give bonuses to the better workers, and I tell them, “You’re getting this bonus because you work hard enough to deserve this extra money. Keep it up.”

    AND TURN OFF THAT DAMN PHONE!

  8. Dan Chmielewski says:

    My advice; don’t pay attention to any advice from Jon Fleischman. Since my son is just a little older than you, my advice (which I give to him):

    1. Keep chocolate on hand, your mouth shut and your head down every 28 days. If you don’t know which day I’m talking about, you’re not paying attention.
    2. Learn how to cook; start simple and expand. A crock pot and soup are great ways to start. Cooking takes planning. What time is dinner. How long does evertyhing take to prepare? Backtrack and you’ll know how to begin. If you can read, measure and follow directions, you can cook. Not everything is cooked on “high.” You might be cooking for the love of your life someday, and Eggo waffles aren’t going to do it.
    3. Ten minutes is all any man needs to shower to get clean.
    4. If you live in the house with a woman from 3 to 90, put the seat down when you’re done.
    5. Learn how to sort laundry and fold clothes.
    6. If you want privacy, respect, and attention, learn to give it in return. Especially to those who earned it.
    7. Read critically.
    8. Old music ins’t bad music. It’s just great stuff recorded years before you were born (Beatles, Stones, yes, REO Speedwagon, no)
    9. When playing poker, don’t play your cards, play the other players. Never change expression and always bet at least twice before folding.
    10. When Jon Fleischman says to listen more than talk, tell him to follow his own advice.

  9. Lawrence Fechtenberger, Interstellar Officer Candidate says:

    1. Always look busy. And, once an hour, grab a bunch of papers and folders and walk briskly through the office, down the hall, and back to your cube.

    2. Never put your feet on your desk.

    3. If you screw up, blame it on the newer guy.

    4. Never work more than eight hours in one day or 40 hours in a week unless you’re paid overtime or have equity in the company. At quitting time, punch out. (You’re impressing exactly nobody by putting in extra, meaningless hours.) And always take the full hour for lunch.

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